Chapter 4: Blaze
I sat in the dark, huddled in a corner of my room. I had the sharpest scissors I could find. I stroked the point with my thumb. It was sunny outside, but yet I locked the light out. I had pinched the blinds as tight as could be. I looked myself in the mirror, staring at my long, dark, sleek hair. One last glance, then I did it.
"It is done," I said. The dark strings fell to the ground. The piled up in a messy clump of dark brown. I picked it up from the ground, stroking it then letting it fall again. Now, my hair fell to my shoulders, but not longer. I kicked the strands to a corner of my room. I got nestled back in bed, then feel asleep.
"How could you," My mom screeched. She turned away, the hair still in a pile on the table. "Why did you do such a thing? Your hair was so luscious. She picked up the hair and held it up.
"I did it for charity," I said.
"What type of charity takes children's hair?"
"Not just children, grownups do it too." Mom's cold, dead eyes fell on a gaze that was shocking. She picked up the hair and shoved it into its bag labeled "Locks for Love: Piper". Then she pushed it to me and stormed upstairs. I had known that Mom was going to be mad, but not furious.
The next day was hectic. I was happy that I did not have to take as much care of my hair as before. I just brushed it and let is swing at my shoulders. I put on my fuzziest sweater, then went downstairs. Mom was making lunch and had prepared bagels for us. I tried to look her in the eye, tell her how much I loved the new do, but she was reluctant to look. She avoided eye contact at all costs. I waved good bye to her, then got on the bus.
"#selfie" Sydney texted me. Then I took out my phone and took a pic. Then I sent it to her. The familiar sound of whooshing after a message was sent came, then I waited for her response.
"What's with the new do?" Sydney texted back.
"It's for Locks of Love," I replied. Then I turned my phone off, and shoved it into my backpack. I then began to look through my pictures. I saw pics of me and Sydney, primarily in my room. Then I saw photos of just me. I browsed through my videos, then came across photos of Alex. Some of them were of him with his hood down. Others, he showed his face, with his stunning emerald eyes. I tear slid down my face, splattering on my phone. I wiped it off with my sleeve, but the rainfall just kept coming. I put my face down, and cried. A puddle of memories formed on the bus floor below my face. Then I felt I warm hand pat my back. I looked up and saw Meredith.
"Hi," she said, shyly. She smiled a pearly white smile, then turned away from me. Her hand left my back, then retreated back to her lap. I was so focused on crying that I had not noticed Talia sitting in the seat next to me. "Are you alright," she asked. I nodded my head. Then she reached over and hugged me. Then she looked at me with a puzzled look, telling me to explain my crying.
"I just, really miss my friend," I said, turning toward the window in shame.
"Oh, Alex, right? Yeah, it'll be alright. He's with his sister now, which makes him happy. Don't you want him to be happy?"
"Yeah, he'd want me to be, wait? How do you know about his sister? He never told anyone but me. How do you know about his sister?"
"You said he only told one person, right?"
"Yeah, he only told me," I said. I was about ready to punch Meredith.
"Exactly, he only told one person," Meredith said, holding up her index finger. Then she disappeared. Just like that, in thin air! How could a person disappear into thin air? It just wasn't possible.
"Wait! But how is that possible?!" I asked, reaching towards Meredith. But she was gone. I rubbed my eyes, to make sure that I wasn't seeing anything. But she was gone. I was absolutely sure that she was real. I was just going to have to ask around.
"Meredith, who is she?" I texted Sydney. Two minutes later, she replied,
"Don't know. Why?" Then I responded.
"Just wondering," then I shut off my phone and put it away. I hesitated, then flipped through my pictures. I went to a picture of me and Alex. Holding back the tears, I say a shadowy apparition in the background. I looked closer. Something about the figure seemed familiar. Then I realized who it was.
"Are you sure you don't know a Meredith?" I texted Sydney.
"Yes, 4 sure," she replied. I shook my head. I must have been going crazy or Sydney was going blind. This figure became clearer and clearer to me. I knew exactly who it was. I was not about to be proven wrong about my own "fantasies" today.
I blinked. Meredith was keeping me up at night. "Forget" she would say. "Alex is where he wants to be. Now forget." I gazed around my room. I didn't see anyone. I snuggled under the blankets a little more. My eyes were glazed over a I listened to the sounds of Meredith, telling me to forget about Alex. But I couldn't. I had devoted so much time and effort to him that I would not, could not, shouldn't, forget about Alex. That night, I recognized something very important.
The next day, I printed a picture of me and Alex from my phone. I cut out my face in the shape of a heart, then did the same for Alex. I stuck the pictures in a locket, then closed it and put it around me next. I hurried downstairs, and ate breakfast.
"Hey, what's that silver string around your neck?" Sydney asked, pointing to the locket.
"Oh, just a necklace," I said. I tugged at the chain, pulling the heat close to my own. I held it there, standing in the middle of the hallway. The wreckage from the past was lifted from my shoulders.
"Hurry up," Sydney said, giving me a little push. I fell forward, then kept walking.
Study Hall was an ingested lump of complete humdrum. I sat in the cafeteria and watched everyone else do something productive. It was a very poor excuse for wasting my time. Truly, I did not have any homework, and was forced to watch everyone do enjoyable activities.
I wiped the tears from my face. I looked at the marble stone. My fingers traced over Alex's name. I slowly feel backwards, landing hard on the grass. I turned around and cried. Why? I asked myself. My chest heaved as I hyperventilated. They took him from me. The next day, instead of going to support group, I roamed around the graveyard. I found Melony, and sat down.
"Do you miss him? Or is Alex there with you?" I asked, starring down at the ground. "I miss him. But I know he didn't leave. He couldn't have left."
"Are you sure?" Meredith asked, appearing in front of me. She held out her hand, and I took it. "Look at all these people. I'm sure that their families and friends miss them very much. But, they moved on."
"I'm not going to move on," I said, pulling my hand away. "I can't, because I know I can find him."
"Do I really have to tell you this? I guess I do. Do you see this slab of granite right here?"
"Yeah, I see it."
"Do you see whose name is engraved into it?"
"Yes."
"Well, if you do, you should know that Alex is not coming back. His funeral is tomorrow, you know. Will that give you some relief?"
"I don't need relief. I'm going to keep searching until I find him. I'm going to do anything in my power to find him. I will find him. Now go, I don't need your pity." Then Meredith faded away. I kept walking. I walked all the way around the cemetery. I went back, and left Alex flowers.
The next day, I put on a plain black dress with a tiny black top hat. I looked at one last picture of Alex, then put my phone in my purse. I put on my locket, then held it in my hand. The warm metal was comforting to my hand; it reminded me of the warmth of the fireplace. The fireplace was a happy place where we (Mom, Dad, Evelyn, and I) would sit. We would open presents there, eat cookies, or just talk. But it was a fugue memory. After Mom and Dad got divorced, Mom filled it in. Now, like my memories of Alex being happy, it was distant, ambiguous, and esoteric.
"Are you ready?" Mom asked me.
"Yes," I said, stroking my locket. I opened it, then quickly shut it. I wiped my eyes, and got out of the car. I waved at my mother's car, then entered the church. The pews were shiny, the carpet was clean, it smelled sterile, and his box was blue with gold detailing. I slowly approached the box; I lurched to a pew to my left. I looked at the box, then looked down. Everyone started to flood in. I starred down, twiddling with my thumbs. I stroked my short hair. Tears began to come down my face. I know that this is not real, I thought to myself.
"Redemption is what you need," Meredith said, taking a seat next to me. She had on a short sleeve collared dress with black polka-dot fishnet leggings. Her hair was pulled back in a French braid. She had a small raven on each of her ears.
"No" I said. I kept my head down.
"Yes. I know what is best. I know," she said. She picked up my head and looked me straight in the eyes. "It is. You know, I know, we know. Just except it." Then she dropped my head. My head jerked down like a rag dolls.
"Blimey!" I said. I got up from the pew, and moved to the pew in front of me. "Can't you just leave me alone? It's my life!"
"But," Meredith said. Her eyes glazed over; she took in slow, heavy breaths; then she was gone. I sat there, feeling slightly shocked. Wow, she really left. Then I turned around towards the pastor. I tried to focus, but the memories were a blur. I kept thinking if it were actually true. If Alex might actually be gone. I didn't want to give it to Meredith that easy, admit that she was right. I didn't catch one word of the pastor.
"How was it?" Mom asked when I got into the car.
"Depressing," Evelyn said, staring down at her phone.
"It was fine," I said, looking at my lap. I opened my eyes widely, brushing over them with my hands. I kept trying to comprehend all of the information. I laid down, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in my bed. The blinds were slightly open, unusual for my room. I squinted me eyes and covered my face with my arms. My body squirmed, trying to avoid the light.
"Dinner," shouted Mom from downstairs. I slowly approached my door, deeply breathing in the fumes of Mom's delicious chicken. It was golden. So juicy and delectable. I could tell that my parents thought I wanted to talk about Alex, but that was the opposite of what I wanted to do. I pushed my food around; stalling for time and avoiding all eye contact. The rest of the night was silent.
"Did you know anyone there?" Sydney asked me as we talked at lunch.
"No. It was kind of boring," I said. Knowing Sydney, I was prepared for her to pry. She wanted to know every bit of information regarding the funeral.
"Oh, well, are funerals supposed to be entertaining?"
"Never really thought about it that way. Just talking about the deceased is not really my forte.
"Did you see that new girl, Flo?" Sydney said, changing the subject.
"No, been focused on Alex."
"Well, everyone thinks she's kind of weird. But I like her."
"What's she like?"
"Today, she kept catching flies and letting them outside. She also will go up to people, up-close look them in the eye for a long time, then runs away. The weird thing is that she sings songs about bugs. Everyone seems to avoid her and take offense to her actions, but I think Flo is pretty cool. "
"Can I meet her?"
"Yeah. It looks like she's coming right our way." Then a girl with a crazy mess of curly blond hair and hazel eyes. She was wearing cat ears and pants covered with cats. She had a gigantic smile plastered across her face.
"I like butterflies, and caterpillars, and moths, and beetles, and all bugs there are," sang Flo. Then she made a sound like a buzzer and touched my nose. I turned towards Sydney and she just smiled.
"Now that is Flo," Sydney said, motioning in the direction of thd girl.
"Disorder?" I asked.
"I think some form of schizophrenia."
"I see. So, why exactly are you intrigued by this girl?"
"It's not so much that she intrigues me, but that I admire her for being herself. Not really like showing off her disorder, which she kind-of does, but wearing the cat ears and saving tiny animals that we would have thought nothing about. We might have even smashed them. Now, all of the kids here are weird and different," Sydney said, taking in a deep breath. "Flo is a whole new kind of weird. And I love it." Then Sydney smiled and walked toward Flo. I had never really thought about why someone's awesome in depth that much. Or maybe I had.
That night, I thought about if I had looked into the qualities of someone's awesome. This was the list I had compiled:
- Sydney- Maybe
- Uhhhhhh
- John Green- possibly
- Alex- maybe/maybe not
Then I drew a blank.
Phone in my hand, I strided to the snack machines. I struggled to get my money out, pulling at the paper in my deep pockets. I paused, starring at the empty space between the two machines. I remembered the time I had come upon Alex stuck between the machines. He had been struggling, grunting, but his expression not revealed. I turned my back, facing the left machine. Shoving my money into the slot, I then quickly clicked the keys on the machine. I listened to the machine, selecting my choice, then forcing it to get out of the metal spring. I found myself trying to look back, but keeping myself from doing so. I jabbed at the door, quickly grabbing my snack and running to my locker. I ran away, placing my hand on my silver locket. My eyelids fluttered, trying to keep the tears away. I slammed my back against my locker, sinking down to the ground.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Sydney asked, putting her hand on my back. I had my face in my knees, breathing heavily. I prepared for the sudden but slow descent into crying. My face became red, I was breathing quite quickly, an my heart raced. I slowly tipped onto my side, hitting my head on the cold cement floors. A horrible trance had come over me. I took one long deep breathe and started to cry.
When I had gotten out of my state of horrible crying, I looked around me. I was still on the ground, back against my locker. The hallway was silent, except for a quiet beeping.I looked up at the clock. It read 8: 26. It had been around 8:00 when my episode (not the first) had begun. I got up from the ground. The hallway felt especially warm. I grabbed my backpack from my side and started to walk towards the warmth. As I came closer, I could see an orange glow emanating from the cafeteria. I stepped closer, sweat dripping down my face. I blinked, feeling smoke in my eyes. It became harder to breathe. The orange blaze became brighter. When I got to the door of the cafeteria, flames reached for me. My face was scorched. My breath quickened. I tried to look in, but the whole cafeteria was already engulfed in flames. How did I sleep through this I asked myself. I began to run, as the flames chased behind me. When I got outside, I plopped down on the snow everyone else was huddled in small clusters. I looked for Ms. Madrid's class, slowly drifting among the kids.
"Piper, where were you?" Iris said, coming up to me. She put her hands on my shoulders, slightly shaking me as she said "We were worried sick about you. I saw you this morning, then I was like 'I hope nothing happened to her.' Then the fire, I was so picniced. Don't ever disappear like that again."
"Do you mean panicked? You were so panicked?" I said.
"No, I'm pretty sure that it's picniced. You know, Toby had that picnic attack. I am pretty sure…. Never mind, that's besides the point. We can't have." Then the fire truck came and many firefighters jumped out. They rushed into the school with all their equipment. The sound of the sirens muffled Iris's words. That's when I walked over to Ms. Madrid to inform her I was here. Then, I wandered aimlessly, eventually finding Sydney.
"Were you still crying by your locker?" Sydney when I came up to her.
"Yes, but sometimes you need to cry," I said, looking straight into her dark brown eyes.
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